I have in my hand, a half empty bag with clothes I plan to throw in a trash can when I get to town. Mother is standing at the gate, with tears running a marathon down her aged face! I wish I could say I feel her pain,but I don't, . God forgive me,I don't. I've left a pile of clothes for her, I know from time to time she'll visit my old room, and hold them close to her face, smell her daughter's poignant odours of failure... She's crying hard! She breaking down! See, often than not I'd lye on Mother lap, consumed by emotion, my erros slowly devouring what ever was left of me. I've seen her bring me tea in my room with half bloody eyes, failed attemp of forced confidence. I've heard her talking with her God, begging him for chances granted,but never taken. I was her main priority, selfish gestures, considering the fact that I was not an only child!! See, the other's thrived, and yearned for martenal praise, but what could have been that, was diverted into attention for a child that needed structured walls so she would not break down, relinquish her hold from reality!! That child was me! I remember when I told mother I was leaving,through her pain, I thought I saw a glimmer of light in her eyes, no she was not happy that I was leaving. What I saw was a mother's willingness to let her child grow! Venture out into the unknown!I wore myself out of all emotion, I nolonger possesed the ability to feel!! And I knew it would eventually kill my Mother! I had to be stagnant in thought, in feeling and in action, IN SOLITUDE!! Funny though, being static meant my final walking away! Losing my identity!!! She'll cry for days on end! And pray for days on end! She won't eat for days on end! But eventually she'll start to live again, without me! And that's the best thing I can do for her! I feel heavy in myself, it has to be my weight and mine alone!! I begin walking, with the corner of my eye I see her holding her other children close to her, I smile!! That's how it should be!!