in the process of becoming!

I want to find myself in the world

This was my resolution,I thought my life changing epiphany had finally come to me. I was ecstatic. This meant that I'd start a new journey, a journey of discovery, sewing together the pieces of my life that would finally make me whole! I'd know of why I was born,my purpose,I'd find that one place in the world that was designated for me,and me alone. It really seemed easy, like nature or God or what ever controlled my fate would shower me with the knowlegde I needed in order to carry out my purpose in the world.For weeks on end I wondered how my journey would start, I was waiting for a sign, wondering how it would present itself to me, and how I would react. I rehearsed my reaction,I'd be in complete awe. I couldn't wait, but then again I did wait. I waited and waited and waited, until I realised my mind was playing tricks on me,Finding my place in the world was just wishful thinking.

How could I find my place in the world when I had not even found my place in myself. How could I expect stability and comfort and utmost understanding of the world when it seemed the anatomy of my existance was a parody in itself, of itself!How could I achieve what I had dutifully indoctrinated myself into believing I could achieve when my emotions oscillated from complete euphoria to utter grief and melancholy in a matter of seconds!

It dawned in me that finding my place in the world was important,yes, but would amount to mere nothing if I didn't find my place in myself first! Needless to say this is my process of becoming, becoming the person I should be in myself. And such can be achieved in solitude, but with the influences of the outside world, without letting these influences dictate to me what I should be,and how I should be.

So maybe I rushed my epiphany, maybe it is only now that it has come to me. And I am content with my conclusion,see I would rather I stayed lost, than being found in a "short cut kind of way" that would end up being detrimental to me in the end! I'm waiting my turn,patiently so.maybe what would normally take a few days, or weeks will take me a year or two, so what,I cann see my destination, and will get to it,doesn't matter how long it takes! My small journey of becoming will one day metamorphosise into BEING! WATCH!!!